We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
