he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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