my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
