My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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