dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Randomize
