I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
