Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
