I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just blew my weed a kiss
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
