I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
