He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
