I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
