alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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