I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
