Barsexuality is the new black.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
