The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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