Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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