So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
