i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He better not be in your backpack
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
