it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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