You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
