Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
