we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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