She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
