you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
