he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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