yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
