So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize