I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
