i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
