Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
