Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
