And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The air taste purple.
Randomize
