In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
