She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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