My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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