Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
