I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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