....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
