i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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