well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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