Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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