Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
