Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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