Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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