just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
