I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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