Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
