I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
