so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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