Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
