Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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