Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Too much gin, very little bucket
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
