you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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