She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
