I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
