i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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