sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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