OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
