One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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