I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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