I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
