so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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