I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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