My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
