Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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