oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
