went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I touched a dick in church today
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
