sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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