the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
