i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
