My sheets look like a crime scene.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
