Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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