Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
