So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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