i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
