I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
