Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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