PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
