sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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