i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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