You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
