Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
